I said, awhile back, that I have learned so much in the (now 13) years since my dad's death. One of those lessons is that it is a good thing.
Um . . . what??? I know that's what you're thinking. And years ago I would have agreed with you. So hear me out, and hopefully you'll agree with me when all is said and done.
In the early 2000's I was on the way home from college for a weekend visit when my car caught fire. I was in the process of paying it off and only had liability insurance instead of full coverage. So even though I didn't have a car anymore, I still had car payments. I think the lesson there was to do the right thing even when it's difficult. Psalm 15:1 (NLT) asks "Who may worship in your sanctuary, LORD? Who may enter your presence on your holy hill?" Psalm 15:4 (NLT) says "Those who . . . keep their promises even when it hurts." I learned that lesson, and it was hard, but God was refining me, and it was GOOD.
In 2005, my dad passed away. It was not good. Not in my eyes. Not at that time. I knew I could trust God to always do the right thing and be in control at all times. I struggled though with fear of what that "right thing" might be, with what He might require me to walk through. I was terrified for years.
During those years, there were other hard lessons.
In the mid to late 2000's, I dealt with babies being born early and being admitted into the NICU. We did this three times, and I struggled each time because I knew I had done what was necessary in order to avoid NICU and still, they had to be admitted. I learned, during these trials, that God was providing me rest before bringing a new baby into my home. I had very young ones at home already, and though it was difficult to leave the new baby behind, I was able to go home, get my house in order, and spend some quality time with the ones already there before bringing the new one home. I was also able to get some rest and a few nights of full sleep before having to meet the demands of a new infant all night long. Another thing I learned was to depend on God to meet the needs of my children. There was absolutely nothing I could do to help my precious newborns. I had to rely 100% on God to meet their needs. Those were hard, dark days, and I'm thankful they're over, but God provided rest and reliance on Him, so they were GOOD.
During those same NICU years and in a few of the following, we dealt with major vehicle issues. At one point or another, though we had two vehicles, one or the other of them was broke down and we could not afford to fix it. During that season, I could not see how God was using that trial to hold my family together. You see, we were having some horrible marital issues, and on more than one occasion, if I'd had a vehicle, I probably would have left. My family would be split up, and some of the children I now have would never have been born. It was very difficult to be forced to walk that road of forgiveness and rebirth, but I'm so thankful that God made it happen. I have a marriage that I no longer want to "get out of" and 7 wonderful children. Those marital issues taught me the value of forgiving another and walking with them through the process of life change, and the vehicle issues showed me that God has a plan and a desire for my family as a whole. They were horrible, horrible days, and I don't want to walk them ever again, but God restored and taught so they were GOOD.
Each of these circumstances taught me lessons and drew me closer to God. But they weren't the entire lesson. They each worked together to teach me a couple of even greater lessons.
1.) I can trust God ALL the time. Psalm 33:4 (NLT) says, "For the word of the LORD holds true, and we can trust everything He does." Y'all. I've walked through many different trials in my short 33 years, and I will face many more in the years I have left. I may not always know WHY He wants me to walk a certain path, but I know without a shadow of a doubt that I can trust Him. He has proven - through previous trials - that He always has a reason and that He WILL "work all things together for the GOOD of those who love him and are called according to his purpose" (Romans 8:28).
2.) This is the biggest lesson I've learned so far and the main reason that all of these trials - including my dad's death - are GOOD. In a nutshell, what if my trials are for the benefit of someone else? It's difficult to explain and put into words, so please bear with me as I attempt. God put us on earth the glorify him (Isaiah 43:7). That is our main purpose in being alive. We each have a different route to walk - career, family, etc - but the end goal is the same: Glorify God in ALL things. Colossians 3:17 (NLT) says, "And whatever you do or say, do it as a representative of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through him to God the Father." (For more on this topic see John Piper's sermon at https://www.desiringgod.org/messages/god-created-us-for-his-glory ).
The Bible also teaches that God desires for ALL people and nations to come to know Him on a personal basis. John 3:16 says that he "loved the world" so he sent Jesus. 1 Timothy 2:4 says that he wants everyone to be saved and understand the truth. And 1 Timothy 2:6 says that he (Jesus) gave his life to purchase freedom for everyone.
This is where the lesson gets tricky for me to explain. I believe this with all my heart, and I believe that it is from God, but I don't have a specific verse to back me up. (That doesn't mean one does not exist. It simply means I have not come across it. So please feel free to share if you know of one.)
If God's desire is to use our lives to bring glory to Himself, and if He desires for all people to come to know Him, doesn't it make sense then, that the trials we walk through, though they may have lessons for us to learn, be about using our lives to draw other people to Him? For instance, when CJ was in the NICU, God led me to post Bible verses all over his crib.
Now, I don't know who read those verses. I don't know if anyone drew closer to God because of them. I don't know if anyone came to know God because of them. I don't know if any other NICU parents felt peace because of them. All I know is that they were posted on my son's bed for all to see - parents and nurses alike. But because God's greatest goal is use my life and/or my son's life to bring him glory AND He desires ALL people to come to know Him, couldn't it be that CJ's NICU experience was not for me, but for those around me? Sure. I learned some lessons through the experience and learned to trust God a little more, and I was given some rest. But what if that was not the ultimate goal? What if CJ was in the NICU simply so someone could come to know God, even if I never hear about it? Y'all. That's tough. It's even tougher when I put that thought into the suicide of my father.
Several people came to Christ at his funeral. I don't know how many there were, and I don't know who they were. I just know it happened. What if the ultimate goal of his death was to bring others to God? My human nature, my selfishness, says, "You mean I gave up my father for someone else to come to know God?" My humanness wants to reject that. Then God points out to me that it truly is selfish to think that way. Is my father being here on earth, in my life, knowing my kids and husband, so important that I would trade that for another person's soul? Would I condemn someone to eternal hell just for one more day with my dad? How selfish of a person can I be?
Someone once posed this question to me:
So you're saying that if someone came into your home, kidnapped and/or murdered your child, but later came to know God because of Bible verses they saw in your home, it would be worth it?"
Yes. Yes it would. Not in my humanness. Not in my selfishness. I would want to live a lifetime hating that person. Of course, I don't want that to happen either, and I'll go to great lengths to prevent that (locked doors, parent accessible guns, etc), but isn't it God's desire that my child's life, in addition to my own, bring Him glory and point others to Him? Is my child's presence in my home and on this earth so much more important than that person's soul? No. It isn't.
And because of that, I can say with confidence of my dad's death (and any other trial God requires me to walk through) that I am thankful for it (1 Thessalonians 5:18) and that it is GOOD.
Psalm 34:10b
". . . those who trust in the LORD will lack no GOOD thing."
