Thursday, December 20, 2012

Day 3

Here is Day 3 of our Countdown Chain!!



I've never known a child to be afraid of having their hand traced, but this girls was terrified!! Took awhile, but she finally calmed down enough for me to get something that somewhat resembled a hand print!

Please pardon the laundry in the background. We're making memories!!! (And don't worry - the laundry isn't still there!!!)

They wore these around the house for two days before the enjoyment wore off!!


Day 2

Here is Day 2 of our Countdown Chain! The girls really loved this one. When they finished, Elizabeth asked, "Can we do another one???" Unfortunately I only had the two copies of the picture so I had to tell her no. However, once we started reading the book, she enjoyed it so much that she forgot all about the craft!






Think Outside the Box

Proverbs 31:17 - "She is energetic and strong, a hard worker."

I've always read this verse and applied it to my household and my job (when I worked outside the home). However, God has been teaching me recently that this applies to every area - even in my playtime with my children.

I have not been very quiet about or hidden my recent battle with depression. It has hung over my head like a dark cloud and has consumed everything about me. It has sapped my strength and energy. Forget being a hard worker! It was a struggle just to get out of bed each morning. I would get up only because I have 3 little children that could not take care of themselves. I did my chores each day, but only the necessary. I didn't do the little extras - like organizing things or even lighting candles - because it was just too much work. I did do laundry and dishes and cook and buy groceries and pay bills because I HAD to. Those things are necessary in order to keep a home functioning. Though I did all of those things, I could not be considered a hard worker. It would not cross anyone's mind to label me as energetic and strong! I did what I had to do to get by.

**I know this depression thing sounds like I'm just making excuses for my behavior. If you've struggled with this or know someone who has, you know that's not at all what it is. If you haven't dealt with this before, please understand that that is not at all the case.**

All of that said, the lesson God taught me through this verse has nothing to do with chores or my home or job. It has to do with making memories with my children. It has to do with having fun with them. In years and holidays past, it was just another day come and gone. We celebrated the actual day, but there were no fun things leading up to the day/event. The thought of baking cookies with young kids was exhausting. It seemed like too much work to pull out craft supplies and make something. It was much easier to put them at the table with a piece of paper and a crayon and leave them to it. I didn't have the energy or strength to be involved. The more children I had, the harder it became to do those things.

However, this year I've been taking medicine and (with the exception of a couple of days out of town for a wedding and then a REALLY dark day afterwards because I forgot to take my meds while out of town) we have made a "Countdown Chain" to count down the days until our trip to Houston. Each day has an activity that has to do with Christmas. The first few days are Christmas activities that have more to do with Santa and the "secular" side of the holiday. Then they slowly migrate towards the religious side of things and end up with the Christmas story being read while we're in the car traveling.

I have to admit that I didn't plan this very well. I was very excited about starting this because I finally had the energy. It didn't feel overwhelming. I was able to work hard at gathering supplies and because I'm only doing crafts that I already have the resources for - no purchases!!! - I spent time researching craft ideas and searching my house to see if we had the items. I say I didn't plan well. It was more that I didn't organize well. The first night we read a book about Rudolph and two nights later we did a reindeer craft. Those should have gone together.      :-/ Oh well. I'm still getting the hang of this.

Anyway, God has really blessed my efforts in this by providing the resources and the ideas and helping me carry them out. He has also really helped me to see - through Proverbs 31:17 - that while it is "playtime" and we are having fun, it also involves hard work, energy, and strength. I'm seeing that making memories with my children is something He sees as an attribute of a virtuous woman.

Here are some pics of the things we've been doing. We're a little behind, but maybe we'll catch up on it tomorrow! Maybe . . .   :-)

 Here is our Countdown Chain.
There's not much to it, but we got a late start!


       
I didn't get any pictures of the girls actually doing the painting, but if the number of pictures they did is any indication, I'd say they enjoyed it!!!!

Here is our Christmas book for the night. We also ended up watching videos on YouTube of different people singing "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer". I think Alvin and the Chipmunks was their favorite version!


I'll do a separate post for the rest of the days. I was just too excited about what we've been doing that I thought I'd share the first day!

I don't know what God is telling you through this verse, but don't be stuck on how you've always interpreted it. Open your heart to God, and let Him show you what area in your life needs a makeover to receive more of your energy and time and hard work. You may be just the opposite of me. You may spend so much time with your kids' playtime that He wants you to focus on your home or chores or job more. Don't be afraid to ask Him what He wants for you. Just be ready to jump in and obey!!

Friday, December 14, 2012

Update

I posted a while back about my struggle with depression. I was overwhelmed with how many people responded to that and "came to my rescue"! Thank you to all of you for your visits, prayers, encouragement, and gifts. It means more to me than you'll ever know.

I finally made it in to the doctor and told her all about what I've been dealing with. Since I'm pregnant . . . again (!) . . . she had to be very selective about the medicine she prescribed. The one she felt most comfortable with is Prozac. Now, my mom took this when I was in jr. high, and she doesn't really even remember that time of her life. She was very spaced out and walked around in a daze. My doctor told me that reaction is not typical, but since it was my mother, could be hereditary and was something she needed to know. However, she still wanted to try it out before prescribing something different.

I'll admit that I was scared to take it. I was scared of how I would react to it. It was a month before I got the prescription filled! I'm not a procrastinator (in school I always did projects or papers the day they were assigned instead of waiting until the due date just so I could get it out of the way!!), but I definitely put that off.

Anyway, I finally got it filled and started it right before Thanksgiving. I'll admit that the first 3 (or so) days were rough. For about 2 hours, every time I took it, I would get really spaced out. That scared me. However, after a couple of hours that feeling would wear off, and I'd be fine. Thankfully those episodes only lasted until my body got used to the medicine. I also learned to avoid this by taking it when I go to bed so that I'm sleeping through the time that would happen, instead of taking it at breakfast and having to deal with 3 kids while in a daze!

I'm not a big medicine taker. I take Tylenol for headaches the few times I get them, but I've never had to take anything on a regular basis. So, there are days I forget to take it. At first, that didn't affect me any. Now, I notice it if I miss a day. The whole day it feels like there is a dark cloud over everything. The days I remember to take it are awesome though.

I wasn't sure if it was really working though or if it was all in my head. I didn't know if other people could see a difference. Since I'm not really around other people very much, I didn't have anyone to ask. Well, I had another check-up with my doc for the pregnancy, and she asked me how I was doing emotionally. I told her I felt that it was really helping. I have to point out that prior to this visit I had only slept 3 hours, and I was sick (coughing for 2 weeks!) so I was not really myself. This was also only my third visit with this doctor. When I told her I felt the medicine was working, she told me that she could tell. She told me that I seemed like a different person.

All I have to say is that between the prayers and the medicine, God is really helping me! If you are someone who struggles with depression, don't be afraid of medicine. It's created to help. There is nothing shameful in admitting a need for help and taking medicine. I've only been taking this for a month, and I already feel better. I promise that this blog will not become all about depression and my journey with it, but because there are people praying for me, I will update once in a while. Thank you again for all your prayers and encouragement! You mean the world to me!!!

Saturday, October 27, 2012

Proverbs 31:16 (Part 2 of 2)

Proverbs 31:16b - ". . . with her earnings she plants a vineyard."

**I'm preparing myself ahead of time that there are women who will not agree with this. Please do not see this as my opinion. These are verses from God, not me. And if this verse from Proverbs had not come up, I would gladly stay away from this topic. However, it did come up, and if I'm going to share what God is teaching, it is my responsibility to share this as well.**

Titus 2:4-5 says, "These older women must train the younger women to love their husbands and their children, to live wisely and be pure, to work in their homes, to do good, and to be submissive to their husbands.Then they will not bring shame on the word of God."

There is so much in this verse that we, as "younger women" must be willing to learn. For the sake of this post we will cover two of those phrases. The first phrase is "to work in their homes". God's desire is for His women to be in the home. I know that there are situations where the woman must work outside the home (divorce, death). However, God's design and plan is for the women to be in the home, and to do otherwise, except out of true need (not simply because we are living outside our means), brings "shame on the Word of God".

As women, we were created for one purpose (besides the obvious, which is to bring glory to God), and that is to be a helper for our husbands. In Genesis 2:18 God declares this purpose, "It is not good for man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him."

The second phrase from Titus is "to be submissive to their husbands". When we were first married, my husband's job did not pay enough for me to be able to stay home and us still pay the bills. He required me to continue going to work. He was not trying to be mean. He was not trying to be domineering and exert his "power". He was simply doing what he felt needed to be done in order for our family to stay committed to the financial obligations we had set up for ourselves. There are other men who also require their wives to work. As women we are supposed "to be submissive to (our) husbands" whether we agree with them or not.

So what about those families whose cost of living (rent, groceries, etc) exceed the husband's income, as was our case when we first got married? This is where our Proverbs 31 woman comes in. Verse 16 shows us that Gd is not opposed to his women earning money. He simply wants us to do it from our home. He wants us to use the abilities He has given us to help our husbands with the finances.

Two things stand out to me as I read that she "planted a vineyard". The first is her ability. Maybe she chose to plant the vineyard because it was all she knew how to do. Maybe it was because she has a love for gardening. Whichever the case, she chose something that was in her ability. The second is that she didn't blow her money on unnecessary things. I'm not saying she didn't spend some of it on pretty things for her house or herself. However, she did chose to use, at least a good portion of it, for something that would benefit the entire family. Why should husband's paycheck have to stretch to cover bills even if it means he doesn't get to spend it on himself, but wife gets to use hers on herself? This woman was not a greedy, selfish woman. She used her earnings to do something within her ability, that she probably enjoyed, and that would benefit the entire family.

So what do we take away from this?
1.) The verse in Titus says that we are to be submissive to our husbands. It doesn't say "except for in the case of  . . ." Are we being submissive in all things? It's okay to share our opinion with our husband. We are his helper and sometimes our opinion helps him see things in a different light. It helps open his eyes to a different side of things. However, the final decision should be left to him with no arguing. If we don't agree, we need to talk to God about it and let Him deal with our husband.

2.) Are we using our abilities and resources to help in a way that will benefit the entire family? We are on a very strict budget and even something as simple as going to McDonald's and ordering off the Dollar Menu requires much saving, but we are able to pay the bills without me having to bring in extra money. I would like to be able to do fun things as a family, but I have not yet found something to do that uses my abilities and resources and doesn't put us in financial bondage in order to start doing it. However, when God does reveal to me that one thing, I have a responsibility to use it for the good of the family and not just myself.

This makes God sound like a mean, harsh man. He is not. He simply what knows what will make our households run the most efficiently and cause the least amount of stress on His women. We are His little girls. He doesn't want us overwhelmed and over worked and stretched to the limits. He was us peaceful and able to help our husbands. He wants us to be able to put aside our wants and desires and submit to the man He has put in charge of our well being. Let's follow God's plan for our lives and leave the results to Him.

Proverbs 31:16 (Part 1 of 2)

Wow! It has been a LONG time! Everyday I think to myself that I need to write another post, that it has been way too long since the last. However, the more time that goes by, the harder it is to pick up and run with it. I spend too much time trying to figure out what I should say about each verse. The truth is, I don't have to know what to say. All this was supposed to be is me sharing what God has shown me through each particular verse. So, before I lose steam, I'm just gonna jump back in where I left off. I'll do another post (later tonight if these two girls still haven't given in to sleep, or tomorrow, if they have!) about all the things that have gone on in our lives the past months in my absence! Here goes . . .

Proverbs 31:16 says, "She goes to inspect a field and buys it; with her earnings she plants a vineyard."

This is another one of those verses that I've read dozens of times and skip over. When I come across verses like this, I have to remind myself that God chose to have it included in His Holy Word so there MUST be a reason for it. He has something He wants me and all of His other women to learn from it. So what is it?

I think it is important to note that it doesn't state that she purchased the field with her earnings. It doesn't even mention her earnings until the second part of the verse. The way this verse is written tells me that she used her husband's earnings to purchase the field. In modern families, where the husband goes to work and the wife stays home, the money is the husband's "earnings", but it is "our" money. I think the same was true then. The husband earned the money and (given the role of women in those days) he was probably responsible for the "checkbook", but it was their money. The fact that she was the one who went out and inspected the field and bought it says a lot about his trust for her.

1.) He trusted her ability to know a worthy investment. Let's face it. While there are some women who can look under the hood of the car and immediately know every part they lay eyes on and even some of the unseen parts, the majority of us are doing good to be able to refill the windshield washer fluid!! Cars are typically a guy thing. The majority of dads would not turn away their daughter if she came asking to learn about the car. However, most girls wouldn't think of asking, and most dads wouldn't think to suggest it. In this day and age, it is becoming more common to teach the daughter to change a tire so she isn't stranded on the side of the road at the mercy of any strange man that happens to stop and offer help, but teaching in depth car repair is just not done. That said, imagine that your family needs a new vehicle, but finances say it must be a used vehicle. No one would buy a used vehicle without looking under the hood. However, you gotta know what you're looking for or it's pointless to look. The Proverbs 31 Woman's husband trusted her knowledge enough to send her to buy a "used vehicle" and to know she was getting a good deal. This meant that they must have spent time talking about fields. He shared his knowledge of a good vs bad field. He trusted he had done a good job teaching her and he trusted that she had truly listened and learned from him what she needed to know. It doesn't say she was interested. She listened because it was important to him. Our husbands know when we're truly listening and when we're just "nodding and smiling" while thinking about something else. The things he's telling us may not be interesting, they may not be things we feel are important, but listen. Truly listen. Listen because he thinks it's important enough to tell you about it, and listen because one day the information just may be necessary.

2.) He trusted her ability to make wise decisions and not decisions based on her wants. His and hers. Our needs are different. Our wants are different. It is very easy to put our wants ahead of other peoples' wants. The typical reaction, for most people, is to think of self first. We want the house on the beach. It doesn't matter that the area has had 15 hurricanes in the past 5 years. This house is perfect. We have to have this house. Our wants are so dominant that we can't see past them to the bigger picture. We want the bigger vehicle. It doesn't matter that we don't have any children and don't ever plan to. It doesn't matter that we never carry large loads of anything anywhere. We must have that 15 passenger van. Who cares that our budget says we can only afford $5 of gas a week, and we would never be able to go anywhere in it? It is perfect! And so we buy the bigger vehicle instead of the smaller, more economical one we can afford to drive. The end result means nothing and has no affect on us. I don't know what it is you want. You don't know my wants. That doesn't matter though. What matters is whether we are willing to put aside our wants to make choices that will benefit the entire family instead of just ourselves. We've all been guilty of this. Maybe not as drastic as the scenarios I've just described, but we've been there, done that. The Proverbs 31 Woman's husband knew that she wouldn't choose a field simply because it was what she wanted. She was going to look into it. She was going to make sure it was a good field and worth the money being asked. She was going to make sure it was in a convenient area for everyone and not make the purchase just because it was near her best friend's field and they'd be able to see each other every day. He knew that she would not be selfish in her decision. He trusted her to do the right thing.

3.) He trusted her financial ability. He trusted that she could recognize a good deal. We all love a good deal. If that wasn't the case, there would never be price wars. There would never be sales. There wouldn't be coupons. :-/ Can you imagine the horror of that last one?!? (That's for you Chelle!) There would only be one brand of each item in the stores. There is no denying that people love a good deal and will gravitate toward it.
A.) There are times when there is a need - meds, etc (cuz it's 1:47 AM, and I can't think of anything else at the moment!) - there is no time to search for a better deal, and the purchase must be made. Can our husband trust that we will only spend "unnecessary" money in this type of situation (in which case it actually become necessary since the item is necessary and there is no other option!)?
B.) Let's say you need a new article of clothing - wedding dress, coat or shoes for a growing child, etc - and the place you are at has a good sale. If you find the type of item you're looking for but don't fall in love with the style, don't buy it. It'll end up sitting in the back of a closet, untouched, which is a waste of money. It'll probably also end up being replaced when we do find a style we love, which means, unless we got a great deal on both, we most likely spent more than we originally intended. Can our husband trust that we won't purchase a "field" just because we're tired of looking and ready to be done with it all? Can he trust that we'll pursue all of our options until we've found a good financial deal that still meets our standards?
C.) One more . . . Sometimes we get caught up in the whole idea that we have to buy a certain brand because everyone else does. Or we have to shop at certain stores and avoid others simply because all the people we know shop there. It doesn't matter that the same exact item can be gotten at a different place for a better price. Can our husband trust us to put aside our desires to be like everyone else and instead "buy a cheaper field" in an area our friends don't think is good enough, as long as it still meets the standards we've set?

Can our husband trust our ability? If he sent us out to "buy a field" could he trust us to inspect it and to purchase it only if it meets set standards and is a benefit to all?

Monday, September 10, 2012

Happy Birthday Baby

My precious Elizabeth Ann,

The other night as I came up the stairs and headed to my room to go to bed for the night, I heard that oh so familiar "I'm-not-whining-I'm legitimately-scared" heart-wrenching cry that would make any mother drop everything and run to her baby, as you cried out, "Momma! Momma!"

I stepped into my room to put all of my things down before I came to you. As I walked back out into the hallway, I saw you standing there in your doorway wearing your new princess dress instead of your pajamas! I saw your whole body jump as you realized someone was standing in front of you and you hadn't realized it was me. I came to you and picked you up. When I did, you wrapped both arms tightly around my neck and both legs around my waist as if you were afraid I would disappear if you let go. You buried your face into me and just cried.

I laid you down on your bed and sat down next to you. I asked you what was wrong, and you said you were scared. I asked what you were scared of though I already knew the answer. It's the same every time. "Da bad guys." I told you that God is with us and that He will take care of us and that you don't have to be afraid. You said another all too familiar phrase "and Daddy will kill the bad guys."

Then I prayed with you, that God would keep us safe and give us sweet dreams and that He would help you not to be afraid. I asked you if that made you feel any better, and you told me it did. However, when I switched positions to keep my leg from falling asleep, you immediately grabbed for my shirt and begged me, "Don't leave me Momma!"

I told you I would stay with you until you fell asleep. So I laid down on the bed between you and Jennifer. You got sleepy again very quickly just knowing I was there with you. Somewhere in that world between wakefulness and being fully asleep, you muttered under your breath, "I not a baby anymore. I a big girl."

You're right of course. You're not a baby anymore. You're a big girl. You don't wear diapers. You don't use a pacy. You don't need a bib or a bottle. You can even do pretty well with a regular cup instead of a sippy cup. You know how to dress yourself. You put your dishes in the sink after you eat and you are learning how to fold laundry. You know your ABC's and you can count to 18. You have "Jesus Loves Me", "Jesus Loves the Little Children", and the Fruit of the Spirit memorized. You help feed Samantha her bottle, and you teach Jennifer how to do things you've already learned. You are a big girl.

However, in my mind I'll always see the girl who thought she was ugly if she wasn't wearing a dress. I'll always see the girl who thought momma was "so gorgeous" even in her pajamas. I'll see the girl who wanted to marry daddy and go on a date with him because he was "handsome". I'll see the girl who got excited about a princess dress and crown and fake clip-on earrings. I'll see the girl who could make anyone laugh just with her dancing. I'll see the girl who loved her sunglasses so much she wore them inside church as she walked to her class. I'll see the girl who got frustrated as she tried to learn to say the letter "L". I'll see the girl who had an addiction to her pacy that was almost unhealthy. I'll see the girl who had bad dreams almost every night. I'll see the girl who, because of those bad dreams, slept in my bed almost every night from the very beginning. I'll see the girl who was afraid of the dark from the very first night we brought her home from the hospital. I'll see the girl who welcomed home a sister and was so jealous she kicked her in the head. I'll see the girl who loves that little sister and says "her my best friend". I'll see the girl who welcomed home a second little sister and loves her more than life. I'll see the girl who visited that second sister in the NICU and repeatedly kissed her on the head and whispered in her ear "It'll be okay. I love you." I'll see the girl whose first cries were more of a squeak than an actual cry. I'll see the girl that I had to leave every day for a year and a half while I went to work. I'll see the girl who came and sat with me every time I cried and brought me a kleenex for "you eyes". I'll see the girl who stole my heart in a matter of seconds. I'll see the girl who made me a Mommy.

So, Elizabeth, to you, you're no longer a baby. To you, you're a big girl. But to me? Well, the words I whispered to you as you drifted off to sleep the other night, with your head on my stomach and your fist firmly clenching my sweatshirt and your sweaty curls plastered to your forehead, will be true forever:

"I'll love you forever. I'll like you for always. As long as I'm living, my baby you'll be."

They may not be my original words. I may have stolen them from a book, but they could not be more true.

Happy birthday (a few days late) BABY girl. I love you more than words can express, and no matter how old you get and how many things you learn to do, you'll always be my baby.