Thursday, April 24, 2014

Chivalry is Dead

Chivalry is dead . . .  and women killed it.

Several decades ago there was a feminist movement. Women (in general, not the entire population) decided that we can do everything men can do AND have babies. In passing, this statement is funny. Down deep, where it matters, this kind of thinking has stripped men of their masculinity. We have told men that we don't need them.

Men used to hold the door open for women. We told them we could do it ourselves.
Men used to lay their coats over a puddle of water so their woman could walk across without getting her feet wet. We told them this was demeaning to women.
Men used to help unload groceries from the car and move furniture so their woman wouldn't have to do the heavy work. We told them we didn't need their help.
Men used to sit at the dinner table with the family and have manners and polite, meaningful conversation. Unfortunately, we pushed them away. We decided it was sexist for women to be in the home and we traded all of this for jobs outside the home, for Girl's Night Out, for losing ourselves in our hobbies.

What did we get in return?

We have men who don't think twice before walking through a door and never look back to see if there is a woman they can hold it open for.
We have men who are so engrossed in their phones and other technology that they don't even notice if a car drives past and sprays water all over their woman from head to toe!
We have men who sit and play video games while their wives unload groceries and move furniture and they never even offer to lend a hand.
We have men who, if they join the family at the table instead of eating in the other room in front of the tv, burp and fart and can't hold a conversation to save their lives.

We complain that our men don't help us. We have pushed them to this lifestyle.

It's time for a change.

It's time to teach our boys that they have a responsibility to take care of women, those they know and complete strangers (giving up their seat, holding open doors, etc). It's time we instill in them the desire to be men and teach them how to do it.

It's time to teach our daughters that, though she can move furniture alone, though she can open doors herself, though she may be able to do everything a man can do and have babies, she is feeding his masculinity when she allows him to help her with these things.

It's time for men to step up and learn how to be a gentleman, even if they were never taught. It's time for men to humble themselves and to take pride in helping a woman. It's time for them to see it as the most manly thing they can do. It's time for them to realize that being a "knight in shining armor" isn't just about saving "the damsel in distress" but also about helping her in the calm, quiet times.

It's time for women to stop being so offended by men that are trying to be gentleman. Instead of pushing them away and calling it demeaning, we should encourage it. They are being kind, mannerly, friendly, and helpful. If a woman offered to help us with those things, we wouldn't think twice about it. We would welcome the help. Why is it so different if it's a man offering?

When I was younger, my parents told me something that has stuck with me all these years. "If you want a man to act like a gentleman, you have to expect it of him." Basically, don't get into or out of the car until he comes and opens the door for you. When entering or leaving a building, stand by the door until he opens it for you. When you arrive home with a car full of groceries, carry an armload in. Then just tell him, "I'm gonna go ahead and put these away while you bring in the rest." Expect it of him. Pretend like there is no other way of doing things. He may grumble at first. He'll probably complain a little. Continue expecting it of him. Allow him to regain his masculinity and  to see the joy in helping his woman.

I've had this topic on my mind for some time now. It's saddened me greatly to think that chivalry is dead. What do my daughters have to look forward to? How am I going to convince my son it's the high road when none of the other guys are doing it? And then, I got a little ray of hope.

I was out with my 4 year old, 3 year old, 2 year old, and 1 year old buying two weeks worth of groceries. Visiting three different stores to get the best prices and enjoying lunch out with my kids at McDonald's . . . well, this is an all day affair. It usually takes 5 hours to get it all done. It's hard work. When leaving McDonald's trying to get the girls all headed in the correct direction, while carrying CJ, the diaper bag, my purse, and my drink, getting doors open wasn't easy. Of course, I do this every other Friday so I'm used to it and have my system figured out. It would be very easy for me to deny help and do things the way I always do.

So, to the little boy who patiently held open the door of the Playplace while we were leaving and smiled the entire time, THANK YOU!!! You put aside your wants of food and play to help out a lady in need. You slowed down long enough to realize that there are other people in this life and not just you. You took time to notice those around you. You were mature enough, at your (approx) 10 years of age to realize that life does not revolve around you. I pray that my "thank you" and "you're such a gentleman" were encouraging to you. I pray that they caused you to feel like a man. I pray that they helped you to see that you were doing the right thing.

To the man in the Aldi parking lot. THANK YOU! I was loading kids and groceries in my car as you drove up. You parked in the space adjacent to mine. With no one else around, it wasn't difficult to see you, especially with my 2 year old waving at you. You went in and bought your few items. When you came out I was still loading, though almost finished. You put your things in your car and then you slowed down your life. You took the time to come over, hand me the rest of my groceries as I put them in the car, return my baskets to the front of the store (all the way across the parking lot), and return my quarters to me. You smiled and carried on a polite, friendly, UNflirtatious conversation the entire time. You were clearly not in it for anything except the privilege of helping someone in need. Truthfully, you could have gotten in your car and driven away, and I would have been just fine. I had already done that three times that day at Wal-Mart, Dollar Tree, and McDonald's. I didn't need you. You didn't care. You were a true gentleman. I wish I had more to offer than a simple "thank you" and so, just like with the little boy, I pray that you were encouraged by being able to help. I pray that, just as I received a blessing from being helped, you received an even bigger blessing from being a help. I pray that it showed you that you made the right decision and that you will continue offering your help to people in need. I pray that your masculinity was affirmed through that act of kindness.

Both of you restored my faith in humanity and made me realize that, though chivalry is dying, it has not been completely snuffed out. Maybe, just maybe, chivalry isn't dead.

No comments:

Post a Comment