To My Precious Son,
I wanted a sweet baby boy. I ached for the doctor to place you in my arms. Finally, the fourth time around, it happened! I was ecstatic!
Having a little boy was different from the vey beginning. For a mommy who gets her boy first, the difference may not be so obvious once they have a little girl. But after having three little girls, the emotional attachment of having a little boy is glaringly different. You touched my heart in ways your sisters couldn't. You won't understand this until you're a parent. I barely understand it myself. I definitely have trouble putting it into words. It's not that I love you more than your sisters. I simply love you differently. You're my son.
Since that first moment when the doctor placed you in my arms, I've done everything I can to protect you. Physically. I have changed your diaper. I have fed you. I have dressed you (or undressed you based on the crazy Texas weather!!). I've taken you to the doctor. I've made sure you've gotten your shots. (Though there are those that would say that I'm not caring for you by doing that!) I have held you. I've comforted you. I've wiped your tears away. I have cared for you to the best of my ability.
As the days slowly, yet oh so swiftly, passed by, I came to realize that while there is definitely an emotional difference, there are other differences as well.
I realized that, like every other person on the planet, you were born with a sin nature. You are going to sin at some point in your life. There are no two ways about it. It's going to happen. However, again like every other human, when you were born, your mind was a blank slate. There was nothing there. It was perfectly pure and innocent. Your eyes had never seen anything inappropriate. Your ears had never heard words they shouldn't have.
And it is my job to make sure that everything you're exposed to helps keep it that way. Dear God, please help me!!
Now, we live in a sinful world. You are going to be exposed to ungodly things simply by going outside. Truthfully, with the bad attitudes your sisters and I can muster up, you're going to be exposed to it in your own home. I know I can't shelter you from every negative thing. It would be naive of me to think otherwise. I can do my part though to keep you innocent as long as possible.
When your uncle was a little boy, his uncles took him out and showed him pornography. When he came home crying, they told your grandparents, "He's gonna see it eventually". (To say that your grandparents were not pleased is a drastic understatement!!!!)
Sure, you'll see "it" eventually. It is my job to do everything necessary to make sure that "eventually" takes place on your wedding night.
So, I'm vowing, here and now, to do everything in my power to help you reach that goal; to help you stay on that course; to help you uphold that standard; to keep your purity - not for the sake of the girls you date, but for YOU! For YOUR relationship with God. (Yes, I care about those girls, but it is just as wrong for you as it is for them. Purity is not just for girls. It's for men too. And it's manly.)
I said I'll do anything to help you, and I mean that. If that means not having Internet in the house, we'll get rid of it. If that means we never turn on the TV, so be it. If that means you need me to go on your dates with you, I'll be happy to assist you! :-) Whatever you need, I will gladly pour my heart and soul into helping.
Until you are old enough to know what you need, I WILL be making those decisions for you. I know you're only 5 months old. You don't even know what a girl is! That doesn't matter to me. I'm already working to keep your mind sweet and innocent for as long as possible.
Sometimes your sisters and I would watch "girl" movies - movies where the girls may not have been dressed as appropriately as they should - when daddy wasn't home to see it. No more. We've gotten rid of some stuff already. If I don't want it in your mind at 5 years or 15 years, I don't want it in your mind at 5 months. And neither does God.
Since we all know that females wear underwear and bras, I'm gonna throw this out there. I'll NEVER take you to that section of any store. Your 3 year old sister comments on how immodest the models are. You don't need to see that. I don't buy your dad's, and he doesn't buy mine. You won't go with me to buy even your sister's - unless of course they're still young enough that there are no models on the packaging.
Your mind and your purity are mine to protect, and I will take my job seriously at ALL costs. I love you my precious son. You changed my life in ways I didn't even know were possible. I'm so thankful to God for giving you to me.
You're not our oldest so there will be lessons I've already learned by the time you walk those pathways. You're (most likely) not going to be our youngest so there will be others who benefit from the mistakes we make with you. You are our first boy though. We're learning what it means to raise a son. I will make mistakes and use poor judgment at times, but I'm going to strive and struggle and sweat and run this race with endurance to keep this promise I'm making to you. I'm not keeping it alone though. I'm waking up each morning, begging God, pleading with Him to give me wisdom in raising you to be a pure and godly man.
One day, you'll be that godly man, and I'll continue to pray for you to make wise choices. But you'll be praying for yourself as well. How do I know this? I have a promise from God in Proverbs 22:6. I'm claiming this verse from God. I'm going to do my part, and I KNOW He will do His.
"Train up a child in the way he should go, And when he is old he will not depart from it."
I love you my precious CJ.
Love, Mommy
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